business rewriting

Your Task Revise the following sentences to emphasize the perspective of the audience and the “you” view.

  1. To make the employee reimbursement process quicker, we have automated the way in
    which you fill out the mobile worker trip forms. Please download and use the SmartTrip
    mobile app forms to receive your payment in less time.
  2. To prevent increasingly costly payouts we have suffered from cyberfraud. We are issuing new chip-enabled credit cards to replace expired or lost to all of our customers.
  3. Our rigorous safety policy forbids us from renting power equipment to anyone who cannot demonstrate proficiency in its use.
  4. We’re requesting that all employees complete the attached online survey by April 1 so that we may develop a master schedule for summer vacations more efficiently.
  5. To save the expense of having team trainers set up your training classes in our limited office space, we suggest offering a customized class for your employees right in your own building.
  6. Our social media engineers are excited to announce a new free app called Fan Boosters that we believe will get fans to share, like, and subscribe to your content.
  7. We take pride in our national policy of selling name brands at discount prices. That’s why we can allow store credit, but we cannot give cash refunds on returned merchandise.

Your Task Revise the following to make the tone conversational yet professional.

  1. By the way, Madison went ballistic when the manager accused her of ripping off office supplies.
  2. As per your recent request, the undersigned is happy to inform you that we are sending you forthwith the procedure manuals you requested.
  3. Kindly be informed that it is necessary for you to designate the model number of the appliance before we can submit your order.
  4. Pursuant to your e-mail of the 4th, please be advised that your shipment was sent March 6.
  5. R head honcho wz like totally raggety kuz I wz sick n stuff n mist the team meet. Geez!
  6. The undersigned respectfully reminds affected individuals that employees desirous of changing their health plans must do so before December 30.

4.3Your Task Revise the following statements to make them more positive and courteous.

  1. We regret to announce that we can offer the 50 percent discount only to the first 25 buyers, so act quickly!
  2. Construction on your building is at a standstill because the contractor is unable to pour footings until the soil is no longer soggy.
  3. A passport cannot be issued until an application is completed and a recent photo is included.
  4. Your message of June 1 claims that the blade in your food processor malfunctioned. Although you apparently failed to read the operator’s manual, we are sending you a replacement blade PLUS another manual. Next time read carefully so that you will know how to attach this blade.
  5. Customers are ineligible for the 25 percent discount if they fail to provide the discount code at the time of purchase.
  6. As team leader, you apparently failed to remember that you have already assigned me two gigantic and complex research tasks, and now you have dumped another big job on me—one that I can’t possibly begin until after I finish the other two jobs.

4.4Bias-Free Language

(L.O. 4)Your Task Revise the following sentences to reduce bias (e.g., gender, racial, ethnic, age, disability).

  1. Sports Research International hired Demarcus Jones, an African American, for the position of social media coordinator.
  2. In 18 or more states, an employee has the right to view his employee record.
  3. In the past a skilled assistant would proofread her boss’s documents and correct any errors he made.
  4. Douglas Luna is crippled with arthritis, but his crippling rarely interferes with his work.
  5. Recently appointed to the commission are a lady lawyer, an Indian CPA, and two businessmen.
  6. The conference in Key West offers special side trips for the wives of executives.

4.5Plain Language and Familiar Words

(L.O. 4)Your Task Revise the following sentences to use plain language and familiar words.

  1. The attorney tried to obfuscate the issue with extraneous and superfluous data.
  2. Civil Service exams were once required for federal government jobs, but they were phased out subsequent to the passage of antidiscrimination laws.
  3. To expedite ratification of the agreement, we beseech you to vote in the affirmative.
  4. Although the remuneration for the position of social media consultant seems low, it is commensurate with other pay packages for similar positions.
  5. Subsequent to the robbery, officials interrogated tellers, but the bank did not implement new procedures.
  6. Although researchers dialogued with individual students on campus, subsequent group interviews proved fruitless.

 

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